Attraction and Love
Why do people like or dislike each other?
Why, among the countless people we meet during our lives, do we have especially intense positive feelings toward only a few the persons with whom we fall in love?
-Findings are surprising.
Interpersonal Attraction: Why we like or dislike others?
Think of some one you like very much, some one you strongly dislike and some one you’d place in the middle of this dimension. Now ask yourself
Why do you have these reactions???
- Propinquity: Nearness makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Many friendship and romances start when individuals are brought into contact with one another. often by chance. We tend to form relationship with people who sit nearby in class, live in our neighborhood , work in the same office. So, propinquity-proximity or physical closeness to others-is an important interaction.
This is known as Frequency-of-Exposure Method.
- Similarity: Liking Others Who Are Like Ourselves
Why do we like others who are like ourselves?
The most plausible explanation is that such persons provide validation for our views or our personal characteristics. That is, if another person agrees with us , or is similar to us in behaviour,
This indicated that our views, preferences and actions are correct- or at least shared by someone else. This makes us feel good and our liking for the other person increases. Whatever the precise mechanism involved, similarity is certainly one powerful determinant of attraction.
- Affective States: Positive Feelings as Basis For Attraction
Positive feelings or moods- what ever their source-cause us to like others we meet while experiencing them; negative moods-again-again whatever their source-cause us to dislike others we meet when we are feeling low.
If our positive feelings are produced by something another person says or by the person looks , we will tend to like that individual. But even if our positive feelings have nothing to do with the person- we may still experience a boost in our liking for the person.
- Physical Attraction : Beauty May Be Only Skin Deep, But We Pay lots of Attention to skin
Perhaps the most obvious factors affecting interpersonal attraction is physical beauty. Research findings indicate that, alas, we are indeed suckers for a pretty or handsome face.
Why is this case?
One reason is that physically interactiveness is associated with good reproductive capacity; choosing attractive mates, therefore is one strategy for increasing our chances of contributing our genes to next generation.
LOVE: The Most Intense Form of Attraction
Romantic Love: A form of love involving feelings of strong attraction and sexual desire towards another person. However, there are several other kinds of love too, such as the love of parents for their children, or the kind of love one can observe in couples who reach their fiftieth wedding anniversary (known as being companionate love).While these kinds of love are not the focus of as many television programs or films as passionate love, they too are recognized by psychologist as being very important.
So what, precisely does romantic love involve?
Most experts agree that three components are central:
- Before we say that we are “in love”, the idea of romantic love must be present in our culture. It is difficult if not impossible for people to say when it is lacking “I am in Love”.
- We must experience intense emotional arousal when in the presence of an appropriate person- someone defined by our culture as suitable object for such feelings.
- These feelings must be mixed with the desire to be loved by the object of our affection, coupled with fears that the relationship might end.
Only, if these conditions are present can we state with certainty, “I’m in love”.
LOVE: How and Why It Occurs?
Although it is a powerful reaction-one of the strongest we ever experience-romantic love often develops quite suddenly. Many people report that falling in love feels like being stuck by emotional lighting.
How can such powerful reaction develop so quickly?
- We are prepared to fall in love by our earlier relations.
- Through reproductive success of our species depends on two factors:
1) A desire on the part of men and women to engage in special intercourse, and
2) An interest in investing the time and effect required to feed and protect offspring.
Pure Lust, which would ensure only sexual behaviour, was not sufficient; so over time, human being with a propensity to form long-term relationship- to fall in love.
The result: We are genetically programmed to fall in love.
LOVE: Why It Sometimes Dies/Why Love Fades?
- Self Defeating Behaviors
- Increasing Negative Effect
- Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
- Growing Recognition of Dissimilarity
Some Guidelines for having a Happy Romantic Relationship:
· Never both be angry at the same time.
· If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
· If you must criticize, do it gently.
· Never bring up mistakes of the past.
· At least once a day, say something kind or complimentary to your partner.
· When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
· Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
· Never take your partner for granted.
Pay attention, step forward in right direction.
Wish you a very happiness….